he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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