The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
