drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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