i need an iv and a liver transplant
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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