mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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