How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
