Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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