oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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