Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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