Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
