I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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