Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
