I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
