so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
