Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
