we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
