MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
