so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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