I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
