I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
