I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
