Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
