I wish my penis had an off switch
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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