I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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