I think my fart just growled at me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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