I accidentally burped into my bong.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
