When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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