Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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