If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Your topless pictures make me question reality
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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