ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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