I must be too annoying 4 u.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
