We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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