Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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