If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
