If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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