a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She is in my trunk
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
