New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
