I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
