You're my little dorito
"it" just moved
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
