ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
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They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
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All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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