Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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