Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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