omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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