You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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