I hate all girls vehemently.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
