# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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