Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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