I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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