Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
