I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
