Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
