He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
