My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
