white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
