did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
