True but thats because hes a fetus.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
