why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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