I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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