Texts From Last Night

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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...

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  (704): Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered... http://tfl.nu/j2as
  Replies (44) Good night (3545) Bad night (2025)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.

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  (512): This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness. http://tfl.nu/ui3n
  Replies (47) Good night (1422) Bad night (3130)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation

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  (817): Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation http://tfl.nu/c4tn
  Replies (37) Good night (1316) Bad night (4390)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk

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  (218): No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk http://tfl.nu/i2q3
  Replies (22) Good night (1167) Bad night (4423)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.

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  (970): you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you. http://tfl.nu/kcuf
  Replies (12) Good night (2345) Bad night (3389)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.

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  (603): I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part. http://tfl.nu/7yrx
  Replies (8) Good night (5130) Bad night (1053)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.

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  (613): I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line. http://tfl.nu/g6vr
  Replies (7) Good night (761) Bad night (4473)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.

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  (920): I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either. http://tfl.nu/oep9
  Replies (3) Good night (2733) Bad night (812)
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  (661): View more from California

  I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.

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  (661): I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle. http://tfl.nu/b1qz
  Replies (5) Good night (1060) Bad night (2317)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend

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  (309): They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend http://tfl.nu/32kc
  Replies (2) Good night (2241) Bad night (643)
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  (818): View more from California

  Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party

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  (818): Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party http://tfl.nu/iq5f
  Replies (12) Good night (1344) Bad night (602)
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  (408): View more from California

  Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.

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  (408): Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you. http://tfl.nu/5sdb
  Replies (7) Good night (393) Bad night (966)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit

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  (312): Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit http://tfl.nu/kckq
  Replies (3) Good night (1151) Bad night (481)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.

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  (320): Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over. http://tfl.nu/xbhh
  Replies (1) Good night (702) Bad night (211)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping

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  (518): I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping http://tfl.nu/cvko
  Replies (7) Good night (865) Bad night (237)

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