im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude