just survived the first fart of the relationship.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
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If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
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Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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