I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.