so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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