On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.