Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
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i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
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him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"