So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So gin and wine won't be happening again
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
