her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
