Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
