i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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