In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
