i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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